Scripture of the day:

Moses 4:3

·        Pearl of Great Price

Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down; 

 

I have not written a blog in a while.  I have been personally going through some stuff and I really needed to work it through.  I think I have made some break through recently where I feel like the light is shining amidst the clouds.

I apologize to the people who are not Mormons and don’t follow LDS scriptures but this scripture fits what I am writing about so well that I had to use it.

Here is the topic of the day: abuse.

I was abused as a child, not grievously so but enough to have lasting effects.  Being abused affects the person in that it convinces the person to have a lower self-esteem.  Low enough that they allow themselves to be abused again and again.  They leave abusive situations only to fall prey to another one.  UNTIL they realize that is what is happening. 

Being abused as a child warps the child’s sense of what should be and what should not be.  They don’t recognize love in the true form as God intended it.  They don’t understand the way one should act.

These are not absolutes.  An abused person may realize in certain situations the appropriate way to act but not in others.  For myself in a professional realm I was pretty good at knowing the appropriate and not appropriate but in my personal life and very personal relationships I struggled with appropriate versus non-appropriate.  I knew the absolute incorrect way to act but not the stuff in between.

Then in the fall of October of 2015 I had a professional experience that changed me.  My boss at the time was pushing and pushing, not just me but all the teachers at the school but mostly the core teachers (math, English, and science).  After one day I realized he had pushed too far but for me it was more than that.  I realized that I needed to take a stand in general.  I had one of those Scarlett O’Hara (Gone with the Wind movie moment where Scarlett stands tall and says “As God is my witness…”) moments where I stood in my living room and stated quite emphatically I would not allow anyone to treat me that way EVER again.  My husband was a witness to this and it actually scared him a little as I was so emphatic.  At the end of the school year I hemmed and hawed about staying at the school. The boss had left mid-year so that wasn’t a factor anymore. I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t quite happy.  They offered me more money.  No, that didn’t do it.  I told them I wanted the ability to have a say and help bring about change if it was needed.  I was told I had missed the opportunity to be in that position.  That did it.  I left.  Since that time I have struggled to find a good full-time job.  I am not happy about teaching but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. 

As I was coming to work to my part-time teaching interventionist job I was thinking about my sister.  She, too, had been abused.  (Different people than me).  Her husband recently passed away.  It is coming out that he abused her.  Now she has someone pressuring her to marry him.  My sister had mentioned to me that she liked her freedom.  I was thinking of how to talk with her about not getting into another relationship.  I worry it is another abusive one.

These thoughts led me to think about being abused.  Why does it happen?  People have their agency and they don’t always use it for good.  God cannot interfere with our agency so bad things happen to good people.  How does one recover from abuse?  Prayer, using the atonement, receiving revelation and many times counseling are all ways I have worked on this one.  It has been more than 40 years since I was abused and I still have things pop up, hence this blog post.  The hardest part for me now is not recognizing the potential for abuse but standing up for myself.  That moment in 2015 was a big step.  Now I just need the courage and strength to keep that declaration.

March 9, 2017
Scripture of the day:

Joel 2:1

• Old Testament

Blow ye the trumpet in Zion, and sound an alarm in my holy mountain: let all the inhabitants of the land tremble: for the day of the Lord cometh, for it is nigh at hand; 


I spend days not getting on the computer to see Facebook or watch the news because the ways of our world make me sad, anxious and depressed actually.  I avoid those things so I can endure my days.

I went on Facebook tonight.  Facebook makes me want the Lord to return but I know the world actually has to get even worse before that day. So I was looking for a scripture talking about the Lord coming back again and I found this one. This one brought me a little joy with a memory.

Many years ago I was a nursery leader.  One of the favorite activities of the children after we had given the lesson, had our snack and were needing to do something fun and active til the parents came was to play "ring around the rosie".  Here is where my degree in history (yeah I had that first) makes me a little too smart for my britches.  I thought the ring around the rosie theme a little morbid and not really a good Sunday activity.  It is about the black plague.  The plague causes a rash that looks like a ring and is red hence the ring around the rosie.  Pocketful of posies is what you put on the dead.  Ashes ashes is because you need to burn the bodies so not to spread the disease.  We all fall down refers to the hopelessness of the situation meaning everyone will die.  See why I felt that way about this song-play.

So I wrote my own words to the same tune and has the same actions.

Run around Jericho, Priest do your trumpets blow,
Shout up shout up walls fall down.

It is referring to the story in the bible about the defeating of Jericho where there was a very unorthodox way of fighting to defeat the walls of the city. (See Joshua 6: 1-21)

So I had a couple of parents ask me for the words back then.  Recently I came across one of those parents at the school where I tutor.  We talked and reconnected.  Then about a month later I realized one of the students I tutor is her son.  I mentioned to him that I was most likely his nursery leader.  He brought up the rhyme.  I thought it was cool that he would know it.

So now that scripture gives me joy now and I can wait a little longer.

March 8, 2017
Scripture of the day: 

Proverbs 21:20

20 There is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise; but a foolish man spendeth it up.

Last night Michael and I went to a class called Financial Peace University.  Michael talks about being Ramsified. Dave Ramsey is the author of Financial Peace University.  We have been kind of following his methods for money use and planning.  But Michael keeps saying when we get Ramsified and I am not quite sure what that means to Michael.  To me it means to follow the principles set out by Dave Ramsey and get out of debt.  But Michael and I are not exactly on the same page with this so, I hope this course will get us so.

This scripture was mentioned in the class.  It means we save for a rainy day and not spend all our money.  One of the things Dave says is: "Live like no one does so that you can live like no one does later." 

Sometimes this is difficult for me because I have been poor most of my life and had to make do for so long.  I get tired of sacrificing and not getting much to show for it.  But I guess that is my selfish side.  I hope the plan works and Michael and I get on the same page.

March 1, 2017

Scripture of the day: 

Matthew 3:8

• New Testament

Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance:

Tonight I invite comments, namely what your opinion might be on this subject.  Now let me tell you about this.  Michael and I were having a conversation.  Just a light one about today's events and such and at one point Michael started to say something.  He said, "I would like to confess..."  In this case the ellipse meant his stopping of talking.  At that point he confessed he could not remember what he was about to confess.  Lately his biggest complaint of himself is his forgetfulness.  He went on to say, "how can I confess my sins and come clean if I cannot remember what I am confessing?"

So here is my request for comments,  what say ye about such things?  How do we come clean if we cannot remember our sins?  What would you do? 

I know that when I begin my nightly prayers I usually say I know I have sinned but right now I don't know what they are.  Usually I can't remember things I have done throughout my day because I am just too exhausted to remember much more than my name at that point.  Actually for me I am more likely to remember numbers than my name.  I can remember my 15 digit library card number but I cannot remember people that I spent years seeing every day in school.  Funny how that works.

But those are my thoughts what are yours?

Feb. 20, 2017
Scripture of the day: 

1 Peter 3: 15

• New Testament

15But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear : 

I wrote this on Monday and didn't post it.

This scripture also came from church yesterday.  It is the theme for our stake this year.  I mentioned in a previous blog how I came to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

This scripture is in the New Testament so many Christians read these scriptures.  It is not uncommon for people of faith to be questioned about their faith.  Today in church it was talked about how we could possibly be ready to respond to such questions if we don't have things settled among ourselves.  This scripture is all about that.  If we first know what we believe, personally.  Then we are more than ready to answer questions.  But more important to knowing the answer intellectually is to be able to withstand the nature the question was asked.  It is also not uncommon for Christians to be questioned about our beliefs by someone who really doesn't want to hear our actual answer because they have it in their mind what they think we already believe. 

If we are close to the spirit, which takes the meekness and fear of God to have that spirit close, we will know whether it is important to answer such people or not.  The spirit knows us and them and knows what is in the heart of each person.

It is not uncommon for the ceremonies in our temples to be questioned.  There have been people who have managed to sneak their way into the building.  They have described the ceremonies they witnessed.  From the perspective of such a person these ceremonies seem silly, superficial, or they may even portrayed as having evil designs.  While members who enter the buildings after going through the process of a temple recommend interview those ceremonies are very personal and sacred.  The difference is the spirit with which each of the people who enter. The first one has a purpose to expose the church of such practises.  The second go to have an opportunity to learn directly from the Lord.  It is sacred because it is intensely personal.  What I get from the temple will be different than my neighbor.  My neighbor has different trials, afflictions and happenings from me.  They need different answers than I do.  The rituals performed are simple and meant to provide a baseline for which answers can come. 

That is not to say I can't get answers outside the temple, I do.  In an example, recently there was a movie, called, War Room.  The war room was where she prayed.  When the woman was selling her home a minister came past the room where she had set up her sacred place for praying and he could feel the difference in the spirit.  For a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that is our place. 

Whether your place is a temple or a "war room" in your home neither will happen without a definitive sanctification of ourselves in our minds and hearts. 

This morning I had a thought when I was in my bathroom getting ready for church. My husband and I had had an argument just before my going to the bathroom.  I was thinking about the argument and, yes, I was continuing to argue in my mind.  But I came to a resolution of sorts.  I realized I no longer knew my purpose.  I know I am still on this earth for a reason but right now I don't know what that is.  That thought stopped all the conversations that I was carrying on in my head.  At that point I just got more focused on getting ready for church, not really knowing what else to think.  I didn't have any more thoughts about it until the discussion we had at church about the ceremonies in the temple.  The stake president even said, (at least that is what I heard.) we find more purpose when we go to the temple.  So I don't have an answer to my purpose but I do know where I will get an answer. 

We will have to see what that is when I go next.

Until then I will just have my thoughts...

Feb. 19, 2017

Scripture of the day:

John 6: 67-68

• New Testament

67Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? 
68Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. 

Church today was a treasure trove of scriptures to share.  Chapter 6 is an eventful chapter and so these verses are sometimes lost in all the happenings of the chapter. 

This scripture was given during the Bishop's talk today.  He began by sharing a story of working for 5 weeks for a special toy but the day before he would have gotten his final payment he gave up his goal and spent his prior four weeks pay on candy.  On his trip home he got to watch his brother play with his special toy and he felt like he had nothing to show for his 5 weeks of work.

It reminded me of a story I heard from my sister.  I have two sisters.  They are quite a bit older than me.  My oldest sister had a really strong desire to be married.  She was engaged.  Her fiance was about to go into the army.  He wanted to wait until he finished boot camp before they got married and she didn't want to wait.  So he left and my sister panicked.  There were extenuating circumstances involved that I would rather not go into but she went out and found someone to marry her.  This marriage was a big mistake.  The next day she received a letter from her fiance.  Since she was not there my second sister opened the letter.

This sister told me the story.  She opened the letter and in it the soldier fiance was telling my sister that he didn't want to wait until the end of boot camp to get married.  I don't know the particulars of how that could happen but obviously it did not.  If my oldest sister had waited one. more. day. she would have had the desire of her heart.  My oldest sister's life would have been so different if she had waited.

My second sister finally told my oldest sister about the letter.  I was there.  It was more than 20 years later.  My oldest sister was on her second marriage. At this point there was not much she could have done differently.  My sister's response was not one that showed a lot of response.  I guess she figured it didn't do any good to regret. 

But when I have to make a decision of such a significant importance I have the Cyndi Lauper song about one more day go through my head and I wonder, "Could this wait one more day?" 

I have been accused of being a non activist or lacking courage or willing to just let things happen but I have learned that sometimes things do resolve themselves by waiting just one. more. day.

Just my thoughts...

Feb. 17, 2016
Scripture of the day:

Romans 8:16-17

• New Testament

The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
 17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

There it is, right there.  I don't know how I missed this before I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but I did.  For me, hearing the message from the missionaries really struck home.  Before they came I had spent a lot of time thinking and pondering about God and his nature.  I had made several decisions about such things and I made a decision I would not join any church that didn't agree with what I felt.  That seems really self-absorbed and selfish but I had come to believe these things and felt they were true.  Interestingly enough the things the missionaries taught me were exactly as I had decided to believe.  To me they were truth.  I was very much amazed that the two things came together. 

In fact there as a time after I had became a member and someone was teaching a Sunday School lesson.  They mentioned in the lesson that other churches had a different belief.  I was simply amazed at the other belief.  It seemed to me that the belief I had and the one the LDS church believed was a part of me my entire earthly existence.  

The reason the above scripture means so much to me is how it came about to my knowledge.  While I had figured out many things about the nature of God and his relationship with us there were some gaps in my education.  Sometime after I had joined the LDS church they had a special Saturday conference for the women of the stake. (A stake is the collection of many congregations in a geographic area.)  I attended a class by a man named Frederick Babbel. He talked about catching the vision, meaning having a spiritual understanding of what he was teaching.  He is the one who talked to us, sisters about being children of God.  He even went a step further and talked about how we were of divine lineage because we were the children of our Heavenly Father. 

He knew that as women and women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we were very hard on ourselves.  We are our own biggest critics.  He reminded us that being children of our Heavenly Father and because we have a divine lineage we needed to remember that when we were degrading ourselves.  The day he gave this lesson it was all new to me.  I sat in tears because it struck me so intensely.  He said I had caught the vision. 

Years later we had a lesson in our women's class called Relief Society.  It was a lesson on grief.  In the lesson the teacher had us write down on three pieces of paper three things we most valued.  Many women had the typical answers like home, family, children as well as church things like our temple recommends.  I don't remember what the first two things were but my last one was the knowledge  that I was a child of God.  This one still makes me tear up.  During the lesson she passed a hat around and told us to put in the hat one of the things we could give up.  The first one wasn't too hard since it was the first but when she did it two more times and the last thing was that.  It was the most difficult thing anyone could have asked me to do. 

You may wonder how anyone can give up such a thing since it was a matter of knowledge.  But people do all the time.  They give up the knowledge when they become addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.  They no longer care about their person but care only for the next high and many times they are willing to even sell themselves to get the drug.  I believe that some may even give up that knowledge when they have everything taken away from them and then willingly give up that knowledge also.  They think they no longer deserve to be considered a child of God because how could all these things happen to them if they were. I say take a look at Job because he lost everything and God even said he was a good son.  Or maybe they have done things to other people and in a mood of remorse feel they are no longer worthy to be called such because they have sinned too much. 

Let's take that down a notch and think if it was your own child who was addicted to drugs or the one who is taking advantage of others,  would you stop loving them?  You may not like what they do but that doesn't mean you stop loving them.  I think our relationship with our father in heaven is the same.  I don't think he ever stops loving us and we don't ever stop being his child. 

This morning I read an article about a man who had a treasure trove of art and collectibles that were acquired from Jews during WWII.  The article said how the man rarely left his apartment and the art had become his family.  He missed the paintings when they were confiscated.  He even said in one rare interview that the paintings meant more to him than even his sister.  This man had been influenced by his father who had been part of the Nazi's inner circle.  It was said that the father wheeled and dealed with the Nazi's just to keep himself alive.  But in the process, it seems to me, that he lost his knowledge of who human beings are and what we are to do.  The son also was the same way.  It said in the article that the man, the son, with the art never had a wife, in fact, never even had a love in his life, like a girlfriend.  I really believe that is an example of losing the knowledge of being a child of God.

So my thoughts about being a child of God came to be with me all today as I have thought about this man and reminded me of my acquiring the knowledge that I am a child of God also. 
Those are just my thoughts...