Scripture of the day:

Moses 4:3

·        Pearl of Great Price

Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down; 

 

I have not written a blog in a while.  I have been personally going through some stuff and I really needed to work it through.  I think I have made some break through recently where I feel like the light is shining amidst the clouds.

I apologize to the people who are not Mormons and don’t follow LDS scriptures but this scripture fits what I am writing about so well that I had to use it.

Here is the topic of the day: abuse.

I was abused as a child, not grievously so but enough to have lasting effects.  Being abused affects the person in that it convinces the person to have a lower self-esteem.  Low enough that they allow themselves to be abused again and again.  They leave abusive situations only to fall prey to another one.  UNTIL they realize that is what is happening. 

Being abused as a child warps the child’s sense of what should be and what should not be.  They don’t recognize love in the true form as God intended it.  They don’t understand the way one should act.

These are not absolutes.  An abused person may realize in certain situations the appropriate way to act but not in others.  For myself in a professional realm I was pretty good at knowing the appropriate and not appropriate but in my personal life and very personal relationships I struggled with appropriate versus non-appropriate.  I knew the absolute incorrect way to act but not the stuff in between.

Then in the fall of October of 2015 I had a professional experience that changed me.  My boss at the time was pushing and pushing, not just me but all the teachers at the school but mostly the core teachers (math, English, and science).  After one day I realized he had pushed too far but for me it was more than that.  I realized that I needed to take a stand in general.  I had one of those Scarlett O’Hara (Gone with the Wind movie moment where Scarlett stands tall and says “As God is my witness…”) moments where I stood in my living room and stated quite emphatically I would not allow anyone to treat me that way EVER again.  My husband was a witness to this and it actually scared him a little as I was so emphatic.  At the end of the school year I hemmed and hawed about staying at the school. The boss had left mid-year so that wasn’t a factor anymore. I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t quite happy.  They offered me more money.  No, that didn’t do it.  I told them I wanted the ability to have a say and help bring about change if it was needed.  I was told I had missed the opportunity to be in that position.  That did it.  I left.  Since that time I have struggled to find a good full-time job.  I am not happy about teaching but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. 

As I was coming to work to my part-time teaching interventionist job I was thinking about my sister.  She, too, had been abused.  (Different people than me).  Her husband recently passed away.  It is coming out that he abused her.  Now she has someone pressuring her to marry him.  My sister had mentioned to me that she liked her freedom.  I was thinking of how to talk with her about not getting into another relationship.  I worry it is another abusive one.

These thoughts led me to think about being abused.  Why does it happen?  People have their agency and they don’t always use it for good.  God cannot interfere with our agency so bad things happen to good people.  How does one recover from abuse?  Prayer, using the atonement, receiving revelation and many times counseling are all ways I have worked on this one.  It has been more than 40 years since I was abused and I still have things pop up, hence this blog post.  The hardest part for me now is not recognizing the potential for abuse but standing up for myself.  That moment in 2015 was a big step.  Now I just need the courage and strength to keep that declaration.

March 9, 2017
Scripture of the day:

Joel 2:1

• Old Testament

Blow ye the trumpet in Zion, and sound an alarm in my holy mountain: let all the inhabitants of the land tremble: for the day of the Lord cometh, for it is nigh at hand; 


I spend days not getting on the computer to see Facebook or watch the news because the ways of our world make me sad, anxious and depressed actually.  I avoid those things so I can endure my days.

I went on Facebook tonight.  Facebook makes me want the Lord to return but I know the world actually has to get even worse before that day. So I was looking for a scripture talking about the Lord coming back again and I found this one. This one brought me a little joy with a memory.

Many years ago I was a nursery leader.  One of the favorite activities of the children after we had given the lesson, had our snack and were needing to do something fun and active til the parents came was to play "ring around the rosie".  Here is where my degree in history (yeah I had that first) makes me a little too smart for my britches.  I thought the ring around the rosie theme a little morbid and not really a good Sunday activity.  It is about the black plague.  The plague causes a rash that looks like a ring and is red hence the ring around the rosie.  Pocketful of posies is what you put on the dead.  Ashes ashes is because you need to burn the bodies so not to spread the disease.  We all fall down refers to the hopelessness of the situation meaning everyone will die.  See why I felt that way about this song-play.

So I wrote my own words to the same tune and has the same actions.

Run around Jericho, Priest do your trumpets blow,
Shout up shout up walls fall down.

It is referring to the story in the bible about the defeating of Jericho where there was a very unorthodox way of fighting to defeat the walls of the city. (See Joshua 6: 1-21)

So I had a couple of parents ask me for the words back then.  Recently I came across one of those parents at the school where I tutor.  We talked and reconnected.  Then about a month later I realized one of the students I tutor is her son.  I mentioned to him that I was most likely his nursery leader.  He brought up the rhyme.  I thought it was cool that he would know it.

So now that scripture gives me joy now and I can wait a little longer.

March 8, 2017
Scripture of the day: 

Proverbs 21:20

20 There is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise; but a foolish man spendeth it up.

Last night Michael and I went to a class called Financial Peace University.  Michael talks about being Ramsified. Dave Ramsey is the author of Financial Peace University.  We have been kind of following his methods for money use and planning.  But Michael keeps saying when we get Ramsified and I am not quite sure what that means to Michael.  To me it means to follow the principles set out by Dave Ramsey and get out of debt.  But Michael and I are not exactly on the same page with this so, I hope this course will get us so.

This scripture was mentioned in the class.  It means we save for a rainy day and not spend all our money.  One of the things Dave says is: "Live like no one does so that you can live like no one does later." 

Sometimes this is difficult for me because I have been poor most of my life and had to make do for so long.  I get tired of sacrificing and not getting much to show for it.  But I guess that is my selfish side.  I hope the plan works and Michael and I get on the same page.

March 1, 2017

Scripture of the day: 

Matthew 3:8

• New Testament

Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance:

Tonight I invite comments, namely what your opinion might be on this subject.  Now let me tell you about this.  Michael and I were having a conversation.  Just a light one about today's events and such and at one point Michael started to say something.  He said, "I would like to confess..."  In this case the ellipse meant his stopping of talking.  At that point he confessed he could not remember what he was about to confess.  Lately his biggest complaint of himself is his forgetfulness.  He went on to say, "how can I confess my sins and come clean if I cannot remember what I am confessing?"

So here is my request for comments,  what say ye about such things?  How do we come clean if we cannot remember our sins?  What would you do? 

I know that when I begin my nightly prayers I usually say I know I have sinned but right now I don't know what they are.  Usually I can't remember things I have done throughout my day because I am just too exhausted to remember much more than my name at that point.  Actually for me I am more likely to remember numbers than my name.  I can remember my 15 digit library card number but I cannot remember people that I spent years seeing every day in school.  Funny how that works.

But those are my thoughts what are yours?

Feb. 20, 2017
Scripture of the day: 

1 Peter 3: 15

• New Testament

15But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear : 

I wrote this on Monday and didn't post it.

This scripture also came from church yesterday.  It is the theme for our stake this year.  I mentioned in a previous blog how I came to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

This scripture is in the New Testament so many Christians read these scriptures.  It is not uncommon for people of faith to be questioned about their faith.  Today in church it was talked about how we could possibly be ready to respond to such questions if we don't have things settled among ourselves.  This scripture is all about that.  If we first know what we believe, personally.  Then we are more than ready to answer questions.  But more important to knowing the answer intellectually is to be able to withstand the nature the question was asked.  It is also not uncommon for Christians to be questioned about our beliefs by someone who really doesn't want to hear our actual answer because they have it in their mind what they think we already believe. 

If we are close to the spirit, which takes the meekness and fear of God to have that spirit close, we will know whether it is important to answer such people or not.  The spirit knows us and them and knows what is in the heart of each person.

It is not uncommon for the ceremonies in our temples to be questioned.  There have been people who have managed to sneak their way into the building.  They have described the ceremonies they witnessed.  From the perspective of such a person these ceremonies seem silly, superficial, or they may even portrayed as having evil designs.  While members who enter the buildings after going through the process of a temple recommend interview those ceremonies are very personal and sacred.  The difference is the spirit with which each of the people who enter. The first one has a purpose to expose the church of such practises.  The second go to have an opportunity to learn directly from the Lord.  It is sacred because it is intensely personal.  What I get from the temple will be different than my neighbor.  My neighbor has different trials, afflictions and happenings from me.  They need different answers than I do.  The rituals performed are simple and meant to provide a baseline for which answers can come. 

That is not to say I can't get answers outside the temple, I do.  In an example, recently there was a movie, called, War Room.  The war room was where she prayed.  When the woman was selling her home a minister came past the room where she had set up her sacred place for praying and he could feel the difference in the spirit.  For a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that is our place. 

Whether your place is a temple or a "war room" in your home neither will happen without a definitive sanctification of ourselves in our minds and hearts. 

This morning I had a thought when I was in my bathroom getting ready for church. My husband and I had had an argument just before my going to the bathroom.  I was thinking about the argument and, yes, I was continuing to argue in my mind.  But I came to a resolution of sorts.  I realized I no longer knew my purpose.  I know I am still on this earth for a reason but right now I don't know what that is.  That thought stopped all the conversations that I was carrying on in my head.  At that point I just got more focused on getting ready for church, not really knowing what else to think.  I didn't have any more thoughts about it until the discussion we had at church about the ceremonies in the temple.  The stake president even said, (at least that is what I heard.) we find more purpose when we go to the temple.  So I don't have an answer to my purpose but I do know where I will get an answer. 

We will have to see what that is when I go next.

Until then I will just have my thoughts...

Feb. 19, 2017

Scripture of the day:

John 6: 67-68

• New Testament

67Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? 
68Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. 

Church today was a treasure trove of scriptures to share.  Chapter 6 is an eventful chapter and so these verses are sometimes lost in all the happenings of the chapter. 

This scripture was given during the Bishop's talk today.  He began by sharing a story of working for 5 weeks for a special toy but the day before he would have gotten his final payment he gave up his goal and spent his prior four weeks pay on candy.  On his trip home he got to watch his brother play with his special toy and he felt like he had nothing to show for his 5 weeks of work.

It reminded me of a story I heard from my sister.  I have two sisters.  They are quite a bit older than me.  My oldest sister had a really strong desire to be married.  She was engaged.  Her fiance was about to go into the army.  He wanted to wait until he finished boot camp before they got married and she didn't want to wait.  So he left and my sister panicked.  There were extenuating circumstances involved that I would rather not go into but she went out and found someone to marry her.  This marriage was a big mistake.  The next day she received a letter from her fiance.  Since she was not there my second sister opened the letter.

This sister told me the story.  She opened the letter and in it the soldier fiance was telling my sister that he didn't want to wait until the end of boot camp to get married.  I don't know the particulars of how that could happen but obviously it did not.  If my oldest sister had waited one. more. day. she would have had the desire of her heart.  My oldest sister's life would have been so different if she had waited.

My second sister finally told my oldest sister about the letter.  I was there.  It was more than 20 years later.  My oldest sister was on her second marriage. At this point there was not much she could have done differently.  My sister's response was not one that showed a lot of response.  I guess she figured it didn't do any good to regret. 

But when I have to make a decision of such a significant importance I have the Cyndi Lauper song about one more day go through my head and I wonder, "Could this wait one more day?" 

I have been accused of being a non activist or lacking courage or willing to just let things happen but I have learned that sometimes things do resolve themselves by waiting just one. more. day.

Just my thoughts...

Feb. 17, 2016
Scripture of the day:

Romans 8:16-17

• New Testament

The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
 17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

There it is, right there.  I don't know how I missed this before I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but I did.  For me, hearing the message from the missionaries really struck home.  Before they came I had spent a lot of time thinking and pondering about God and his nature.  I had made several decisions about such things and I made a decision I would not join any church that didn't agree with what I felt.  That seems really self-absorbed and selfish but I had come to believe these things and felt they were true.  Interestingly enough the things the missionaries taught me were exactly as I had decided to believe.  To me they were truth.  I was very much amazed that the two things came together. 

In fact there as a time after I had became a member and someone was teaching a Sunday School lesson.  They mentioned in the lesson that other churches had a different belief.  I was simply amazed at the other belief.  It seemed to me that the belief I had and the one the LDS church believed was a part of me my entire earthly existence.  

The reason the above scripture means so much to me is how it came about to my knowledge.  While I had figured out many things about the nature of God and his relationship with us there were some gaps in my education.  Sometime after I had joined the LDS church they had a special Saturday conference for the women of the stake. (A stake is the collection of many congregations in a geographic area.)  I attended a class by a man named Frederick Babbel. He talked about catching the vision, meaning having a spiritual understanding of what he was teaching.  He is the one who talked to us, sisters about being children of God.  He even went a step further and talked about how we were of divine lineage because we were the children of our Heavenly Father. 

He knew that as women and women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we were very hard on ourselves.  We are our own biggest critics.  He reminded us that being children of our Heavenly Father and because we have a divine lineage we needed to remember that when we were degrading ourselves.  The day he gave this lesson it was all new to me.  I sat in tears because it struck me so intensely.  He said I had caught the vision. 

Years later we had a lesson in our women's class called Relief Society.  It was a lesson on grief.  In the lesson the teacher had us write down on three pieces of paper three things we most valued.  Many women had the typical answers like home, family, children as well as church things like our temple recommends.  I don't remember what the first two things were but my last one was the knowledge  that I was a child of God.  This one still makes me tear up.  During the lesson she passed a hat around and told us to put in the hat one of the things we could give up.  The first one wasn't too hard since it was the first but when she did it two more times and the last thing was that.  It was the most difficult thing anyone could have asked me to do. 

You may wonder how anyone can give up such a thing since it was a matter of knowledge.  But people do all the time.  They give up the knowledge when they become addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.  They no longer care about their person but care only for the next high and many times they are willing to even sell themselves to get the drug.  I believe that some may even give up that knowledge when they have everything taken away from them and then willingly give up that knowledge also.  They think they no longer deserve to be considered a child of God because how could all these things happen to them if they were. I say take a look at Job because he lost everything and God even said he was a good son.  Or maybe they have done things to other people and in a mood of remorse feel they are no longer worthy to be called such because they have sinned too much. 

Let's take that down a notch and think if it was your own child who was addicted to drugs or the one who is taking advantage of others,  would you stop loving them?  You may not like what they do but that doesn't mean you stop loving them.  I think our relationship with our father in heaven is the same.  I don't think he ever stops loving us and we don't ever stop being his child. 

This morning I read an article about a man who had a treasure trove of art and collectibles that were acquired from Jews during WWII.  The article said how the man rarely left his apartment and the art had become his family.  He missed the paintings when they were confiscated.  He even said in one rare interview that the paintings meant more to him than even his sister.  This man had been influenced by his father who had been part of the Nazi's inner circle.  It was said that the father wheeled and dealed with the Nazi's just to keep himself alive.  But in the process, it seems to me, that he lost his knowledge of who human beings are and what we are to do.  The son also was the same way.  It said in the article that the man, the son, with the art never had a wife, in fact, never even had a love in his life, like a girlfriend.  I really believe that is an example of losing the knowledge of being a child of God.

So my thoughts about being a child of God came to be with me all today as I have thought about this man and reminded me of my acquiring the knowledge that I am a child of God also. 
Those are just my thoughts...

Feb. 14, 2017

Scripture of the day:

Proverbs 18:6

• Old Testament

A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes. 

I am going to let this scripture say to you whatever you want to hear and share a story.  It is about my great grandmother I believe.  My Great grandfather worked for the railroad.  He had a late shift one night and came home close to morning to find his kitchen full of pigeons.  He questioned my great grandmother about the feathery additions to his home.  Her response was there feet were purple and they must be cold so she brought them in to protect them from freezing.  In case you don't know anything about pigeons like my aunt didn't.  Pigeons feet are naturally purple.

My great grandmother was a great woman and did many things for my grandfather.  She had a big heart and cared for living things as was obvious in the story.  I hope in my going through the pictures I have I find one of her. 

May you have a good day or night depending on when you read this.

Feb. 13, 2017
Scripture of the day:

John 13:34

• New Testament

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. 

I chose this scripture because tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  I will share with you that Valentine's Day is my least favorite holiday.  When I was single I disliked it because it lead to an expectation or desire to be chosen to be liked by someone.  That is a lot of pressure for the giver and the receiver.  It leads to a lot of disappointment for both sides.  Now that I am married I don't like it any more.  Single people think married have it made because they have a person who already has chosen them.  The prospect for disappointment is still there because one or the other might forget.

For me my husband is doomed.  Don't get me wrong he has worked hard since we have been first dating to do things that are pleasing to me.  He gave me the best birthday ever during that time.  So it isn't really his fault.  He also does a really good job at finding the best cards.  I don't know how he does it but he always seems to get ones that say just the right thing.  Not withstanding these excellent qualities he still can't win.  Something in me has set me up to be stubbornly disappointed no matter what he does.  Maybe it is that I feel like I can never do for him like he has done for me.  Maybe it is a residual feeling from all the years past.  I don't know.

In any case I am not fond of this holiday. 

Putting aside my feelings for this holiday,  the above scripture lead me to wonder.  If Jesus gave us a new commandment then what was the old one.  I do know that when the original 10 commandments were handed out Moses and the Lord decided the people at that time were not ready for them so Moses went back for the ones we know today.  The first four are pretty much about loving God and respecting him.  Since those in Moses' time took 40 years to get the idea of what they needed to know I think they were a bit stubborn as well.  The rest are basic ways to act in society.  The Jesus comes and fulfills the laws and presents a new one.  This time love everyone like God loves us.  I would expect this to mean that the Lord saw some of us doing exactly that.  He also gave us some guidelines on how to get along with others.  It was a step up from the Law of Moses.  We as a people had progressed.  That is good. 

As a math teacher many times I have to review what students are supposed to do to answer questions, solve problems or complete steps.  It is not uncommon for students to say to me, "That is all I need to do?"  I reply yes.  Many people make math harder than they need to because they expect it to be.  Sometimes I think we do that in a life sense.  All he asks of us is to love one another as he loves us.  Sometimes we make that a whole lot harder than it needs to be.  Granted we must first know how much and in what way God loves us.  Second we need to apply it to others.  So it is like I first need to share with students how to solve math problems and then second the student needs to teach another.  If we can pass along the feelings of love to another and then they in turn do the same thing it begins to spread exponentially.  This video shows an example of what I mean: exponential love

I think I like this message a whole lot better than focusing on my valentine's day. 
Just a thought...

Feb. 12, 2017

Scripture of the day: 

Hebrews 11:1

• New Testament

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 


This verse is the beginning of a very beautiful passage.  It continues on to say if it were  not for faith, Abel, Enoch, Abraham, Noah and others would not have been able to accomplish what they did.  

I have been told I have the gift of faith and so sometimes I find it hard when others don't.  In this case I have been thinking back onto last Sunday.  Michael was so paranoid about things being stolen from the library and whether we should lock the door, etc.  I was so impatient with him.  I just didn't understand why he didn't have more faith.  It is the Lord's building after all.  Oh things still happen in the building, people do take other peoples stuff, people get hurt and sometimes people get in to damage the church buildings.  That doesn't mean God isn't there.  It just means God allowed them to have their agency to do what they would do.  Damaging buildings, taking stuff and hurting people are all about the people not the building, stuff or the others. 

I guess I have gotten to a point where whatever happens happens.  I can't control everything nor should I try.  That is not to say there are things I would not like to have more control over.  Oh I do. There are several things in my life I would really like to be different but I can't change them and stressing about it only gives me ulcers.  I have had those and I would rather not, again.

I try to change the things I can.  I like the ability to change things rather than complain about them.  I left a job last year because I was tired of complaining and wanted to do something about it.  I could not so I changed what I could - the job.  I have paid a considerable price for that.  But I still feel I did what I should do.  I am still working on what I can do next.


Sheri Lewis told a Chinese story once on her little children's show.  Basically it was:
A Chinese farmer gets a horse, which soon runs away.  Oh that is bad!
 The horse comes back and brings another horse with him. Oh that is good!
The farmer gives the second horse to his son, who rides it, then is thrown and badly breaks his leg.

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3

 Oh that is bad!

In a week or so, the emperor's men come and take every able-bodied young man to fight in a war. The farmer's son is spared. Oh that is good!

 So the same events could be bad and good.  I remember a young girl at girl's camp.  She gets hurt and is taken to the hospital.  At the hospital they discover she has a bad tumor.  If she had not gotten hurt she would not have known. 

Recovering  addicts will tell you it has to get pretty bad before they see a way to getting better.  In the Book of Mormon the scripture from above goes a little further to say this:

Ether 12:6

• Book of Mormon

And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith. 

After reading through the scriptures that come from my search I see I have been remiss in one area.  Since I have the gift of faith and I have seen many things happen to the better of many I am supposed to testify of that witness.  So I will here.  I have seen many things happen because of faith and I have faith that many more will happen.  We must keep diligent in our faith and last through the trial because once you are on the other side of the trial you will be able to see the Lord's hand if you ask.

One final word: don't limit the Lord because He can achieve things in ways you have never thought possible.

Feb 9, 2017
Scripture of the day: 

Revelation 12:2

• New Testament

And she being with child cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered. 


I am posting this because of a conversation I had with my daughter this evening.  She is pregnant with her first child.  She was sharing with me the efforts of her birthing class.  She has a good focus.

She shared a story of when she told another of her focus and that person just laughed at her.  I don't find it any funnier than my daughter did. 
That led me to wonder what does the scriptures say about childbirth.  I can see how someone might get the focus from the scriptures that childbirth is to be painful.  I never had such a vision.  I did have some pain during childbirth but it was the tearing that hurt more than the birthing.

But the scriptures say travailing in birth, I always thought of travailing as hard work or laborious.  The definition talks about pain or about hard work.  As for being pained to be delivered I saw that as the baby being pained (hurt, frustrated, angry, upset annoyed) for not being born yet and wanting to be. I see how some might look at that and think from a mother's perspective they could be the one who is pained.  I guess it is a matter of perspective.  I was also a nature birth kind of girl.  I had 2 at home and the first I tried but she turned her head at the pelvic bone and got stuck.  We transported to the hospital so the doctor got her head in the right position and then I pushed her out.  She has always liked to do things her way.  I support her choices to do it her way. 

I am well aware of other women making other choices.  It is always best to do what is best for them.
My daughter learned that because she had a mother who made natural birth choices it makes her more likely to do the same thing.  She is exploring what will work for her. 

I have had many decisions on my life where I wondered if I did the right thing but the way I had my children was never one of them. 

My daughter also commented on how it seems that women always share their birth stories when they ask her about her choices.  The stories are not always positive.  I wonder about that also.  I remember when I was pregnant with my first I saw parts of Rosemary's Baby, the movie.  Not a good choice, it terrified me for months.  I am glad I didn't see the whole thing.  That movie is scary when you are not pregnant.  Scary birthing stories are similar.  They scare the pregnant woman and I wonder why do we tell them. 

In my younger days I was so expressive of women's right in labor to make choices, to be allowed to make choices that my husband said I should become a midwife.  I thought that would be a disaster because I about fainted when I witnessed a cat struggling to have kittens.  I have grown a little because I watched (in a video) a dog giving birth today and I didn't feel faint or sick.  Which was an accomplishment since I am home with the stomach flu today.  However, I am not about to change careers. I am OK with letting that one go to the younger generation. 

It has been good remembering those memories today. The rest was
just a thought...

Feb. 8, 2017

Scripture of the day:

Ruth 1:18

• Old Testament

When she saw that she was stedfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her. 

 

 

 

This is the story of Ruth and Naomi.  Ruth entreats Naomi to not send her away.  The

scripture show that Naomi realizes it is futile to try and talk Ruth out of it so Naomi stops

trying.

 

I have been thinking a lot about selfishness and unselfishness today.  I wonder where the line is

that separates the two.  As a mother I have spent countless nights awake or awaken taking care of

babies, dogs and husbands.  I also remember trying so hard to get a little extra sleep on Sundays just so

I could make it through the week and yet the kids didn't want to let me.  Now I stay up til my husband

gets home but I have to get up early for my own things, like work.  I really know what burning the candle

at both ends means now.  Last night I went to bed before Michael got home.  I was sound asleep when he

got home.  I did wake up enough to say to him something about you are home safe and sound.  I

immediately went back to sleep.  This morning Michael apparently was feeling the lack of time

we communicate when he gets home because he kept talking and talking to me as I was trying to

get ready for work.

 

I feel tired a lot because of this sleep schedule.  I don't get much done when I get off work because I am so

tired but I also don't feel sleepy enough to get a nap. 

 

Actually my thoughts of unselfishness were of other things because I was frustrated and annoyed. I wonder

if my annoyance would have been abaited if I had more sleep.

 

I do have a problem feeling guilty because I do things for myself.  That is probably why I have never had a

manicure or pedicure.  My self treats have always been food or liquid because they are cheap. I am

good about moderation though.  I rarely even finish off a whole box of cookies or pizza unless I am really

that hungry. 

 

(An aside: The blogger formatting is off tonight so I have to actually hit the enter key to move to the

next line.  It reminds me of the old typewriter my mom had where when we get to the end of the line

we had to hit the bar across the top to move the barrel over to start a new line. Yeah I am that old.)

 

But here is my final thought; I see in the world where we are told to indulge ourselves.  Again moderation

is the key.  But I see as people go past sacrificing to achieve things or adquire things the more removed

they become from understanding the sacrifice our Savior made for us.  Like my philosophy teacher

said in college about parents it is true for the Savior as well.  Because they sacrificed so much we as

children or followers can never really catch up to the amount.  We will always be indepted.  

 

Just a thought...

 

PS I cannot make changes to this document in the spell check.  Something is up with this posting.  Please forgive my misspellings.

Feb 7, 2017

Scripture of the day:

Song of Solomon 2:3

• Old Testament

As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

I chose this scripture because I got a taste the last couple of days.  In my remiss of posting I noticed it became easier to not post than to post.  I thought "ahh it would just be better if I don't bother.  I have gone too long."

These thought connected with something I read recently.  I don't remember where I read it but it was an article or something talking to those who have sinned asking them to come back to the fold.  The taste I received was on how it is easier to not come back and all the fear, discomfort and embarrassment that comes along with the wanting to come back but yet the negative is there also.

Now my posting is nothing grievous other than a broken promise that I am not sure anyone but myself is holding me accountable for but it gave me a taste.


The reason I decided to ignore the negative feelings and post anyway was more to do with the remembering of why I am a believer in Jesus.  I have tasted of his fruit or water or words but mostly I have partaken in the blessings that have come to me.  I try to count them a lot.  I can't say daily because I do try to thank Him for them as soon as I see them.  Some days that is many times a day.  I thank him when a little problem that I had works out because I know the happening was out of my control.  I try to remember that even if something seems like it is a bad thing - it might be good. 

For instance, this past Sunday was Fast Sunday, a day we pick each month to fast for whatever we feel is important.  It could be a day of thanksgiving or a day of need request.  But when I went to the kitchen to make breakfast I was so foggy headed I could not think straight.  I tried and tried to plan breakfast and then I remembered it was fast Sunday and I was supposed to make breakfast.  When my kids were little we called it cold cereal Sunday.  I didn't make my kids fast.  It was something they did on their own but I also didn't make it uncomfortable.  They were welcome to have breakfast if they were not fasting by making cereal for themselves.  So the foggy headiness seemed like a bad thing but it was really a stupor of thought, big time, and once I remembered my head cleared a bit and I was able to prepare the lunch for later.   

Many times I don't know why things happen and I just pray that Heavenly Father knows the reason and it is part of his plan.  Another thing happened on Sunday and I am not sure if this is what happened or I am imagining it.  But Michael was being extra paranoid in the library on Sunday and it was making me quite contentious.  We were bordering on arguing, not a good thing during church.  We went to the sacrament meeting and during the meeting my stomach began hurting a lot.  Michael assumed it was anxiety because he was having trouble with anxiety as well.  (This is most likely why he was so paranoid.)  But for me it got to the point that I was about to cry from the pain, not something I do easily.  It took a lot of control to keep from bursting into tears most of the meeting.  I got the impression that I needed to leave and go home as soon as the meeting was over.  Another one of those times when it seems like something bad.  There was another thought I had and it was not kind or nice.  However I did let the spirit guide me and as soon as the meeting was over I just made a nice request  instead of a mean demand of Michael and told him I had to go home.  I could not stay.  Considering the contention we had earlier it was probably best we were not working in the library together on Sunday.  I got a snack and a nap when I got home and when Michael came home he was in better spirits as well. 

The dinner I prepared earlier in the crock pot was not quite ready so the back up was to make a cream of broccoli soup.  Michael and I were able to work together to make the soup.  By the way, Michael doesn't eat dairy products so a creamy soup takes a little of work.  We use cashews ground up to make a thick milk and it did a really good job of thickening up the soup. 

All these things were sweet reminders that I am blessed.  It really helps to not think of the negative things that MIGHT happen and to continue forward to the sweet things that will happen.  The sweet things do happen regardless if we notice or not but life is so much more full when we do see them.

Feb 1, 2017

Scripture of the day: 

Jeremiah 31:25

• Old Testament

For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul. 

I struggled to find the scripture tonight.  Many of the topics I chose simply were not there.  I have felt uncomfortable most of today except when I was working with students.  In the end I wonder if my feeling of unrest is because I am weary.  So I tried to find words that mean uncomfortable since that isn't there.  Neither is unrest.  But I am weary tonight. 

I am going to let the tiredness take over and hope tomorrow I am better rested. Good night and may God bless your life.

Jan. 31, 2017
Scripture of the day:

Romans 15:5-7

• New Testament

 5 Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus:

 6 That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 7 Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God.

Patience

• The Guide to the Scriptures

Calm endurance; the ability to endure affliction, insult, or injury without complaint or retaliation.

Most of the time we are told to have patience and yes, that is a noble virture that the world could sure use more of but I chose this scripture because it shows where patience can come from.  The Lord has patience and I am so very grateful he does.  He is patient with me as I bear my trials and afflication and I might add I don't necessarily have a calm endurance or it is not without complaint.  But I do keep trying.  I am so grateful that the Lord keeps patience with us.

Jan. 30, 2017

Scripture of the day:

Numbers 5:8

• Old Testament

But if the man have no kinsman to recompense the trespass unto, let the trespass be recompensed unto the Lord, even to the priest; beside the ram of the atonement, whereby an atonement shall be made for him. 

I must say I have been blessed to find scriptures that match perfectly to what I want to say the last couple of days.  Yesterday I was looking for a scripture on repentance and thought I would need to find a second one for forgiveness but I found one with both and tonight I found exactly what I was looking for on the atonement.

Last night I spoke of forgiving those who trespass against us.  But sometimes we are not able to forgive because we are in too much pain from the trespass.  I have two things to say about that.

First is a story of my husband.  He has had someone in his life who caused him great emotional distress.  He has been working on healing from this distress.  At one point he was extremely distraught because he knew the Lord expected him to forgive this person.  He really felt he could not bring himself to forgiveness.  In one of my rare moments of insight I was able to relay to him that while the Lord did expect him to forgive he didn't have to do it today.  That was enough to ease his despair.

My relationship with my husband is one where I am to support him especially as he heals from this trauma.  Just support,  I cannot teach him or share much insight.  The moment above was rare.  It must have been one that the Lord really needed to get through to him but he wasn't listening.  As I have watched my husband deal with the pain and trauma from nightmares to unresolved anger to utter despair it has been hard for me because I know that there is some relief from the pain.

I had an incident a number of years ago where someone close to me hurt me beyond the point I thought was possible.  I wound up on my knees from the sheer weight of the pain.  All I could utter in prayer was "Heavenly Father, this hurts".  I had no expectations, mainly because I had no knowledge.  For me that day was a day I learned about the atonement.  My pain was whisked away from me.  I sat on my knees in utter silence for a time because I was so shocked the pain just disappeared.  When I could speak all I could say was Thank you. 

Sometimes as we watch others it feels like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.  The power for healing is always there but we don't always know it.  Like Dorothy and her red slippers her way home was always there but she had to have some experiences before she was ready and I think that sometimes the atonement is like that.  We are here on earth to learn and many times life's lessons are painful.  But ultimately it is our relationship with our Father in Heaven, our relationship.  No one else can speak to the Lord for us.  We must ask.  Others can pray for us but to receive the atonement we must ask for ourselves.  The Lord is there to give us strength when we no longer can go on. He is there to give us courage to stand up for ourselves when we must act.  He gives us relief, peace and comfort from our trials.  He can't take away the trial because we must learn but he is willing to walk through with us.  

So if the reason you are having trouble forgiving is pain or lack of strength or courage the Lord is ready, willing and most certainly able if all we do is but ask.   I know this is true because I have seen it, felt it and lived it. 

Scripture of the week:

JST, Mark 3:22

• Joseph Smith Translation

But he answered them and said, Verily I say unto you, All sins which men have committed, when they repent, shall be forgiven them; for I came to preach repentance unto the sons of men. 


Mark 3:28-30King James Version (KJV)

28 Verily I say unto you, All sins shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme:
29 But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation:

The point of these verses in repentance and forgiveness.  I have been thinking about these two things recently.  Tonight I am repenting of making a promise of a scripture a day and I have been remiss for several days.  So I am repenting of breaking my promise.  Please forgive me.

For the last week I have been thinking of how this applies to my personal life.  And as I sat down I thought "there is a lesson here and I think I might be missing it." 

In my youth I was sexually abused.  Years later the person who did it came to me and asked my forgiveness.  I was pregnant with my first child.  He shared why he did it.  It took a little time but I did forgive.  Years later after that I had a very vivid dream that he came to me and again asked my forgiveness.  I thought how unusual.  In my dream he came to me at a place I was working.  He was more than a thousand miles from his home so I was surprised to see him.  I asked him why he was there and he said he wanted my forgiveness.  I replied that I had done it years ago.  Part of the dream for me was the realization that I had forgiven him. 

He had repented of his actions and I had forgiven him.  Two of the things God asks of each of us.  But I think about  it a bit more.  I have forgiven him but that does not mean I have to trust him to my most precious possessions.  Does that mean I have not forgiven him?  I don't think so.  If my children were little I would not trust him to babysit my children. 

Several years ago I was asked to give a lesson in Relief Society on this topic.  I was told by the Lord the week prior that I needed to be prepared to share my experiences with the sisters.  I was terrified.  To top it off the bishop attended the lesson.  Bishops don't normally attend Relief Society classes.  The reason I didn't want to share was I was afraid that once these women had this knowledge of me their view of me would change. 

Last year I shared this story of my experiences with my daughter, Carolin.  She did comment that it did change the way she saw me. 

For Carolin it was probably something more along the lines of seeing her mom more as a person than just her mom.  But for the sisters in the ward they were kind and caring and didn't seem to act differently towards me for which I am very grateful. 

Coming to terms with the abuse, the abuser and how it affects others that are close to me has always been in my thoughts.  For me to not forgive means I am free of the cancer that unforgiving causes.  I always say that unforgiving is a cancer on the soul and needs to be irradiated quickly.  As shown in my dream the fact that I forgave was of no consequence to the person that I forgave.  He didn't know and in his case he cared.  But for many in our lives whether we forgive or not affects us more than the person we are forgiving.  The person we are forgiving rarely has knowledge and it does not affect them.  So do yourself a favor and practice forgiveness.



 

Jan. 23. 2017 Scripture of the day:

2 Peter 2: 7 -10

• New Testament

7And delivered just Lot , vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: 
8(For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds;) 
9The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations , and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished: 
10But chiefly them that walk after the flesh in the lust of uncleanness , and despise government . Presumptuous are they, selfwilled, they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities.

I  wish I had great eloquence to write but I lack that.  I am however vexed as Lot was.  I know I am not a righteous man, or woman for that matter.  I have my sins.  

That being said I will share my feelings tonight of the many posts I have seen of the women's march. I have learned through the years that we won't see the good women and men who marched for legitimate reasons but they are being far overshadowed by many.  It seems that in their quest for women's rights those rights would also mean that they wish the right to be as vulgar as men have been and this is by the same women who say they are marching because of the vulgarity of Trump's actions many years ago. 

Quite frankly I would rather march for respect for women than show a reason to be disrespected.  I know what it is like to be prejudiced against.  I have a bachelor's degree in history because the professors of my college felt that as a woman I didn't deserve the right to hold a mathematics degree.  I applaud the women around me who did do what it took to earn such a degree but I had to put family first.  I went on to get a master's degree in mathematics education instead. 

I was indignant when my mother shared she had been told that they would not give her any more money as that was reserved for the men who needed to feed their families.  My mom was single head of household and she was earning the money to feed, clothe and provide for her small family. 

Instead of marching I taught my daughters to be independent and to make their own decisions.  My daughters have relished as they have accomplished things like drywalling a garage or demolished a closet to make room for a washer, or to go build cabins for the less fortunate. But my daughters also know that it will be their job to be the nurturer of their children that they bare.  They know that is a woman's role and it is NOT a diminished role.  Women are the ones who teach, prepare and support the next generation.  Yes, men can do it as well and many do.  My daughters also know that isn't their only role.  We know that we are to be equal partners in each of our roles.  As women we are not to be ahead of men nor are we to be behind. 

As women we cannot get a greater respect by degrading men or others but mostly we will never get a greater respect if we degrade ourselves. 

I learned early on that how we present ourselves is a large part of how others see us.  In high school I had the projection of being someone who did not drink or party.  I didn't realize how many parties I was never invited to because of this image until I went to our class reunion and the people at my table shared stories.  In fact in high school a young man saw me coming out of a bar and shared that with others and no one believed him.  He was not known to be a liar but my image was well established. He was rather afraid when I confronted him about it.  I simply asked him where he saw me.  He had.  My parents were alcoholics and liked to frequent bars.  I was required to go with them.  It was not uncommon for me to do my homework in such a place.  One night when I had finished my homework and went to the car to replace my books with a book I was reading I was seen by this young man.  I didn't drink for several reasons and none of them were because I was a prude.  I had seen what alcohol did to my parents and I never wanted to give that much control to a substance.  Second I really didn't like the taste of the stuff.  It was also my rebellion to be good.  My mom expected me to be otherwise. 

Even today my image is established because my husband who is fully aware of the life I led as a youth forgets and lumps me with the group of members of my church who came from generations of solid church members.

For me while my mother drank I still respected her and the strength she did show.  She too had her sins, you could say. But she also had her virtues.  She always arrived at work on time and worked a full day plus some.  She took responsibility seriously and that perhaps is why I was always with her when they went out.  She was afraid to leave me home.  Above all my mother did not lie.  She felt dishonesty was the greatest of sins.  If I did do something out of line but told the truth I got into far less trouble than if she caught me in a lie. 

She would not have marched either.  She chose to fight her battle on her own battlefront and make her own world a better place.  Many might think this was a selfish act or a waste because it was not grander but it made an impression on me and I, in turn, shared this with my own daughters.  I also hope that my son learned how to treat women with respect and to respect their opinions.  I think it is perhaps the greatest good and legacy to start with our own families. 

I apologize for my preaching tonight but I could not stand the vexation I have felt due the displays from the march on Sunday. 

May you all have good night.

Scriptures of the days:
Jan. 20, 2017:

Jacob 2: 17-19

• Book of Mormon

17Think of your brethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your substance , that they may be rich like unto you. 
18But before ye seek for riches , seek ye for the kingdom of God. 
19And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good— to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted. 

Jan. 21, 2017:

Psalms 8: 3-9

• Old Testament

3When I consider thy heavens , the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; 
4What is man , that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? 
5For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels , and hast crowned him with glory and honour. 
6Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet: 
7All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field; 
8The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas. 
9O Lord our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! 

Jan. 22, 2017: 

Romans 8: 16-17

• New Testament

16The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit , that we are the children of God: 
17And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. 

Music moves me.  Each of these scriptures goes with a particular song and each song means something to me.  The scripture in Jacob goes with a hymn entitled: Because I have been given much.
My husband and I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints at the same time.  Then my husband declared he wanted out so for a time he left then because of a series of events he decided to come back.  We sang this song in sacrament meeting the day he came back. I felt I had been given much that day.  But this song also means a lot to me because when I have a feeling being forgotten or doing without I remember the second verse:  "Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care, I cannot see another lack and I not share..." Crowell (1964)  I have been given much and in our world that is so much more than other places.  

The Psalms song is for "How Great Thou Art"  On Sunday mornings my mom would turn on the radio and listen to gospel music.  This song would come up often.  It is also in the LDS Hymn book.  Whenever I hear it I feel my mom's presence.  

The Romans song is for an LDS hymn called "O My Father."  This song has had meaning for different reasons over the years but today we sang it and I could not contain my tears as I felt the spirit.  I actually don't sing in choir anymore because at any time the spirit hits I am dissolved into tears.  Today was a special Sunday where we had a Stake conference.  It is where all the members in a certain geographical boundary meet together.  It could be up to a 1000 people.  We don't have a building big enough for that so we split between two buildings and the sound is played in one building while the speakers talk in the other.  We prepared for this conference by reading one of the speakers previous talks.  Our theme was about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and knowing the nature of God.  The presenter was Christoffel Golden.  The pieces of verses from the song that touched me today were; "Yet ofttimes a secret something whispered, "You're a stranger here, and I felt I had wandered from a more exalted sphere."  Elder Golden mentioned in the previous talk that when we die and meet with Heavenly Father we will be pleasantly surprised that He will seem so familiar to us.  I feel this is true.  I have leaned on my Heavenly Father many times and in my most desperate times I find comfort in feeling as if I am sitting at his feet and with my head in his lap he gently strokes my hair and tells me all will be well.  I have felt for many years the line from the song, "Then, at length, when I've completed all you sent me forth to do, with your mutual approbation let me come and dwell with you."  I look forward to that day.  Many times I do feel a stranger here and cannot wait to leave this earth with all of man's creation to the more orderly world of the Lord's presence. 
Whenever I am being stubborn the Lord knows I will listen to music.  The music will break down my defenses and I will listen.  Rarely am I so stubborn I don't attend church.  The Lord knows if he gets me through those doors I am a captured audience and I will eventually break down. 
Music is a beautiful language and I am grateful for it.